I prefer to keep most aspects of my life ordered in a logical manner. I understand that this is a losing battle - for instance, how does one keep ones thoughts from straying every which way with each passing whim? It doesn't matter. I strive for logic in all circumstances - it is the nature of my personality. In the past, I've given up this pursuit for various periods of time and it always ends in existential disaster, denial of emotion, and whiplash-inducing mood swings. (Tell me how that makes any sense and you win all of my undying devotion.)
To that end, I write. In physical words - be they on paper or in electronic format - I can find order in chaos. So when I am feeling particularly out of control, I try to bring myself back in line with writing.
Here are some things going on in my life right:
I was finally hired for full time work in customer service. This is a good job for me. I derive a lot of satisfaction from the day to day problem solving that comes with this kind of work. So far none of it is beyond me, and the levels of human stupidity I end up dealing with are relatively easy to handle.
Dylan and I are closing on the house I posted about previously in a month and a half. A lot of drama went into obtaining this house (and it's hardly over). When we tried to negotiate with the seller for roof and other damage repair, they refused to do anything. We made the difficult decision to walk away and ended up embroiled in an interesting bidding war for another house in foreclosure. The same day that we heard our offer had been accepted for this new house, the seller from our original house came back to us with an offer to re-roof if we could match our original offer price. Spoiled for choice, we came back and said yes. (The foreclosed house was beautiful with a ton of character and a huge yard, but we were also going to lose our ability to make money on selling it again in the future - not the case with this first house.) I am beyond excited about getting this house; I think I've moved into the exhausted phase of simply being impatient to move.
I have considering making myself a one year plan to make myself into a healthier person with better habits than I have right now. Mostly I want to do this to prove to myself that I can. I have tried and failed so many times. This is because I am constantly warring between feeling put-upon by strange standards of society to do these things and feeling that I am idiot and need to do them because they are actually good for me. Can you see me rolling my eyes at myself right now? I swear, for someone who tries so hard to live by her own rules of logic, I am truly terrible at it.
Anyway, here's a picture of my cat because she is my baby and what mama doesn't like showing off her pretty little girl? She greeted me with a lot of unusual purring on Mother's Day last weekend.
Something else I've been thinking about...
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Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgiastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter — tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther.... And one fine morning —
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald's "The Great Gatsby"
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